Control Freak?

CONTROL FREAK? OR JUST A HUMAN BEING TRYING TO FEEL SAFE?

I’m a control freak, ever said it about yourself or someone else, "You're such a control freak."?

What do you actually mean when you say that? Are you joking? Are you annoyed? Is it a badge of honour? Or is it the excuse you use when you don’t want to let go?

Because let’s be real people don’t say “I’m a control freak” when everything is calm. It comes out when tension rises. When something changes. When someone moves the pen on your desk or makes a decision you weren’t in the room for.

It’s a phrase loaded with tension… and truth.

Here’s the question:

Is control really the issue? Or is it safety? Certainty? Power? Permission?

DO YOU LIKE FLYING?

I always ask this question in workshops or coaching when the topic of control comes up.

Most people say yes, some do say no yet they still get on the plane!
Why do I ask? Because it’s the perfect metaphor and it works irrespective of a yes or a no!

You’re 36,000 feet in the air.
You’ve handed over your life to two strangers at the front of the plane.
You can’t see the engine.
You didn’t inspect the landing gear.
You didn’t question the training manual.
You just sat down, clicked your seatbelt and ordered a coffee.

And you’re fine with that.

Why?

Because in that moment, you’ve decided to trust.

You don’t need to control everything. You just need to control the bits that help you feel safe.

That’s the truth about control. It’s not about being bossy. It’s not about being difficult. It’s not about micromanaging every detail because you’re awful to work with.

It’s your way of feeling less anxious, more anchored, more “together” in a world that often feels out of control.

WHERE DO YOU NEED CONTROL MOST?

• Work?

• Home?

• Relationships?

• Conversations?

• Your inbox?

• Your food?

• Your activity?

• Your choices?

• Your schedule?

It shows up everywhere.

Some of us control the detail.
Some of us control the narrative.
Some of us control people.

You might know someone like this. You might be someone like this. Either way, here’s the key:

Control is a response to fear. Not a personality type.

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY CONTROL: A QUICK REALITY CHECK

Want a bit of perspective?

Here’s a short list of what you genuinely control:

• What you say.

• What you don’t say.

• What you do.

• How you react.

• How you treat people.

• What you believe.

• Where you put your time and energy.

• How you care for your body.

• Whether you forgive or hold on.

Everything else?

• Traffic.

• Weather.

• How people reply to emails.

• What your boss thinks.

• What your partner says.

• Whether the plane lands on time…

  Not yours to control.

SCIENCE + PSYCHOLOGY OF CONTROL

When we talk about control from a psychological perspective, we’re talking about locus of control the belief you hold about whether your life is shaped by internal forces (you) or external forces (other people, luck, systems).

Those with a strong internal locus tend to believe they influence outcomes. They take action. They stay hopeful.

Those with a strong external locus tend to feel powerless, at the mercy of the world, and often anxious or disengaged.

But here’s the kicker: control freaks often swing between both.

They need to feel in control because deep down, they don’t believe they actually are.

And the control? It becomes armour. A safety net. A survival strategy.

WHEN DO YOU SAY, “I’M JUST A CONTROL FREAK”?

• When your team don’t follow instructions?

• When your partner packs the dishwasher “wrong?”

• When your inbox hits 100+?

• When your child wears odd socks and you’re late?

• When you didn’t write the agenda, and now the meeting’s a mess?

The phrase becomes your excuse. Your pre-warning.
It’s a way of saying, “If I try to control this, don’t blame me it’s just who I am.”

But what if that’s not true?

What if it’s not who you are...
It’s just the place you get stuck when you’re overwhelmed, unsupported, or stretched too thin?

STUCK → SOLVE → SIMPLIFY → THRIVE At and., this is what we help you do.

• We help you spot your control habits for what they are: a stuck spot.

• We don’t fix them by saying “just let go.”

• We solve it by giving you tools to feel safe without gripping tightly to everyone and everything.

• We simplify how you process your patterns, triggers and reactions.

• We help you pick your battles and that’s all about thriving as you, as you are.

You learn to use your energy well. You take control of the things that matter most  your reactions, your language, your beliefs, your fuel.

And guess what happens?

You thrive.

Not because you control everything because you’ve stopped trying to.

Also we use our and. FUEL GAUGES because we know that when you feel depleted, unsupported or overwhelmed, control ramps up.

• You stop listening.

• You tighten the reins.

• You start saying “just give it to me, I’ll do it myself.”

 Yet when your fuel is full?

• You delegate better.

• You trust more easily.

• You hold fewer grudges.

• You don’t need control. Because you feel steady.

So the next time you say, “I’m a control freak,” pause.

Ask yourself:

• Where do I feel unsafe?

• What feels unpredictable?

• What am I tired of carrying?

Then ask:

• What do I actually want control over?

• Is this really helping me?

AND FINALLY

Let’s stop labelling people.
Let’s stop assuming being organised, decisive, structured or particular is always bad.

Control isn’t the enemy. Unconscious control is.
That’s what keeps us stuck.

Let’s work with it. Let’s get curious. Let’s actually understand what it’s trying to help us with.
And then? Let’s solve it. Simply. So you can thrive.

Want to go deeper?

Get in touch and chat with us how we can help you and others