Don’t Be a Dickhead

28 Dec

Written By and.

The Real Meaning of Life

If you are easily offended, my potty mouth is alive. DO NOT READ! You have been warned. Step away if you don’t like swearing. My rant is ready to go live.

Okay here goes…

This may be slightly tongue in cheek, yet the truth is we are all a little bit of a di&^ at times, and the sooner we can get over that bit we can really make this world a better place together. I see so many saccharine posts of the end of the year, sharing how amazing they have been, or the now opposite: if you've survived, it's your achievement.

The sentiment is there I get it, I really do. It's getting lost in reality, and we “fit in” to what Old Happy is, the social gaze that tells us we should be this, we should be that you are not worthy, everyone is better than you vibe, blah blah.

Truths for us are: ( please recognise that you may agree or disagree, and we love that it’s great. We need differing perspectives in this world.)

Difference matters.
Perfection doesn’t exist.
There is nothing new*. It's regurgitated and repackaged. Go back in history, and it’s all there for you to see.
Humans have choices. Every day, every moment.
Humans need humans. We are made to be connected. We are connected. As balls of energy.
No one is better, more worthy, than another person. Equality, genuine equality, is accept what it as it is right now.
Things evolve and co-exist. It’s happening.
Judgement and assumption are lethal.
Everyone has bias. You have to actively work on it. Daily, by the minute at times.

*Unless you’re a scientist discovering a new atom (in which case, we applaud you), most of what we do in life isn’t groundbreaking.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy famously declared the meaning of life to be “42.” While that’s delightfully cryptic, we’ve found that life boils down to something far simpler:

Kindness, helping, and being present.

And here’s the truth, if you’re not practising these, you’re probably being a bit of a di%& at times.

If one thing we can all improve on is not being a douche, then we have made the day that little bit better.

Here’s why not being a di&* matters, and more importantly, here’s how.

Ever had that moment (I’m from the Ally McBeal era) where you say something, react, or respond, and as it’s floating out of your mouth, you wish you could reel it back in? Yep, we’ve all been there. The reality is that we can all have a bit of an oh f*&k, sometimes say the wrong thing, react badly or let frustration get the better of us. It happens.

The New Zealand All Blacks rugby team has a saying: "No dickheads allowed." It’s simple and to the point. The idea is that no matter how brilliant you think you are, that attitude and behaviour aren’t welcome if you’re undermining the group. It’s about showing up, doing your bit, and not letting your ego get in the way of the bigger picture.

What about when we say, "I don’t care" or "I don’t give a f*ck"? Let’s be honest we do care. These phrases often mask the fact that we’re afraid, worried, or trying to protect ourselves. Caring makes us human, and pretending otherwise only adds to the disconnect.

Mark Manson’s books The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck and Everything Is Fcked explore this idea deeply. They remind us that balancing positive and negative experiences is what makes us whole.

Nobody is getting it right all the time, and that’s okay.

We complicate life unnecessarily. We intellectualise, create divisions, and reject differences.

One size does NOT fit all. EVER.

So, how do we apply this to real life, not the Instagram-filtered version? It’s about focusing on how we act and interact, being intentional, and recognising our impact on others. Most importantly, it’s about being you even when we get it wrong, being kind, helpful, and present.

Here’s the thing life’s not as complicated as we make it. But external pressures, societal expectations, and the stories we tell ourselves mess us up.

We’re so busy conforming to what’s expected that we forget to compose our own lives.

Being you is essential to society.

We need difference.

The world doesn’t thrive on cookie-cutter versions of people. It needs your quirks, your mess-ups, and your brilliance.

Life’s value isn’t in novelty but in how we show up for ourselves and others. Too often, we let ego, hustle culture, or self-imposed pressures turn us into…well, dickheads.

The Truth?

Kindness
Helping others
Being fully present

Let’s unpack why this matters and how these three practices can reshape your [self] leadership and your happiness.

Shift in Perspective

At its core, living a meaningful life is less about "what" and more about "how." It’s about

Giving yourself and others permission to grow, mess up, and thrive.

Focusing on being, not overdoing, because fulfilment rarely comes from achievements alone.

Understanding that happiness doesn’t come from working harder or faster; it comes from helping others and staying grounded in the moment.

We need to survive to thrive, and to thrive, we need to survive. The paradox isn’t lost on us.

We all have an innate goodness, but we screw up when we try to be something we’re not. Why? Because we assume. We never ask. We just think we know.

If this sounds simplistic, that’s because it is.

Simplicity, as we know, is often the hardest thing to achieve.

Kindness: The Foundation of Everything

You can’t lead well (or live well) without it. Kindness isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. And it’s one of the most underutilised tools in leadership.

Self-kindness: Stop beating yourself up for not being perfect. Growth isn’t linear, and kindness towards yourself creates space for resilience.

Kindness toward others: It’s not just “nice." It’s key. Teams, families, and communities thrive when kindness is a core value. Start small: send a thoughtful text, compliment someone, or smile, it’s contagious.

Kindness isn’t just about the acts. Work on your kindness; may sound odd, yet practice it, and it starts to become natural. It will feel awkward if you’ve got a little lost along the way.

Give these ideas a trial.

Leave a surprise gift: Drop off a book you love with a note explaining why it’s meaningful. Invite the recipient to pass it on when they’re done.
Restore faith: If you witness someone mistreating, especially in service roles, follow up with a kind word or extra tip.
Be someone’s reset button: Offer to handle a small responsibility for someone so they can take a break, like running errands or tackling an easy chore.
Silent advocacy: If someone’s being ignored or spoken over, subtly redirect the attention back to them.
Create joy in the mundane: Write positive or funny sticky notes and leave them where someone will find them during their day.

Helping: The Secret to Happiness

Helping others increases our happiness more than anything we do for ourselves. Why? Because humans are wired to connect and contribute. The research is clear helping others increases our happiness more than anything we do for ourselves. Why? Because humans are wired to connect and contribute.

Read Stephanie Harrison's The New Happy, our book of the year. She emphasises that happiness is about helping others. Shifting focus from "What can I get?" to "How can I give?" unlocks deeper joy.

Start small: You don’t need to overhaul your life to help others. Pay for someone’s coffee. Share your expertise. Volunteer an hour of your time.

When we help others, we create a ripple effect that comes back to us tenfold. Here’s how to go beyond the obvious acts of helping others:

Ask how can I help?
Become an ally: Actively support someone who’s trying something new, whether it’s a side hustle, fitness goal, or creative project. Cheer them on without judgment.
Give the gift of time: Offer to babysit, pet-sit, or run errands for someone overwhelmed. Time is the ultimate luxury.
Boost someone’s visibility: Introduce a friend or colleague to someone in your network who can help them professionally or personally.
Start a ripple effect: Pay for the person behind you at a café but leave a note encouraging them to pay it forward in their own way.
Share your tools: Whether it’s a book that inspired you or a tool you’ve used, sharing resources can open doors for others in ways you can’t predict.

Being Present: The Ultimate Power Move

In a world obsessed with productivity, being present feels radical. But here’s the truth: You can’t lead effectively or live fully if you are constantly distracted. Being present and fully in the moment means you experience life. You live it; it’s a living, breathing thing.

Life is a one-time experience. We can allow it to pass us by.

Being present can eliminate fear.

Being present offers hope to you and others.

Being present makes you and others feel valued enough.

Being present is the best gift we can share.

Tim Duggan’s book Work Backwards explores that living well often means re-evaluating priorities and designing a life around what truly matters. he also asks a very being present question- What is my enough? Working this out for yourself is key.

Let me share a story that happened at our global gathering in Mallorca in June 2024 and part of that was not only a talk from Tim to our attendees; we also shared real-life examples of people working out their enough. The extraordinary story and visit to Can Det and Tomeo’s family olive and orange and lemon groves. The home included a fully manual processing plant down a tiny side street. Tomeo shared how he was a senior executive at the Balearics Tourism Board, and his father passed away; he chose to leave his prestigious role and take over the 400-year-old family business. He turned it from a manual business and processing to a slightly more updated one with some mechanical elements, choosing to retain as much of its history as possible. We got to sit and dine in his family home and visit the groves, seeing a breaking 1000-year-old olive tree. Our attendees all owned businesses, and one of them asked Tomeo why don’t you expand. How about making 40,000 bottles and not 4,000 a year? Tomeo stopped and said I do not need to; I have my enough. "This," waving his hand around a small dining room we had all crammed into," is my enough." Lesson learned right there.

Here’s how to embrace being present:

Ask and define what is your enough.
Practice the 3-Minute Rule: Set a timer and give your full attention to someone for three uninterrupted minutes. No phone, no multitasking, just listen.
The "No-Agenda" Walk: Take a walk with someone and commit to no agenda—no tasks to complete, no points to discuss. Let the conversation flow naturally.
Reconnect with Forgotten Spaces: Spend time in a room, garden, or park you often overlook. Observe everything with fresh eyes. Notice details you’ve ignored.
Micro-meditations: Close your eyes for 30 seconds during the day and focus on one sense—the sound of your breath, the feel of your clothing, or the taste of your coffee.
Ask Better Questions: Replace "How are you?" with "What’s the best thing that happened to you today?" and see how it shifts the tone of connection.
Give the Let Them Theory a go: Popularised by Mel Robbins, it’s about giving yourself permission to let go of control. Be here now instead of obsessing over the “what ifs” and “should haves.”
Remove judgment and assumption: Scott Shikeadgo, in Seek, uses the ABCs (Assumption, Bias, and Certainty) to help us connect better and stay present.
Stop interrupting: Nancy Kline writes in her book The Promise That Changes Everything that when you stop interrupting, you let someone feel seen and heard, which is a true gift.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether you’re the one who creates the next big idea or theory. What matters is that you live with kindness, help others, and stay present. That’s the kind of legacy that lasts.

Final Reality Check

Happiness and the meaning of life aren’t about walking on clouds every day or chasing rainbows and sprinkles. It’s about the knockdowns and get-ups, the grief and the joy, the failures and the achievements, the belly laughs and the deep cries. It’s messy, it’s human, and it’s real.

So, here’s your call to action: