Is Less Really More?
Or am I just full of contradictions?
I like words.
I like words a lot.
Now here’s the contradiction:
I also like it when people use less of them.
I love long-form. And I get professionally patient with people’s words, but personally? Not so much.
I get frustrated when people go on and on. Repeat. Meander. Never land a point. That’s not clarity, that’s noise.
Debbie direct (self moniker)
If we’re in a coaching session and you repeat something from last week, I’ll say:
“Yes, you shared this last week. It sounds like it’s even more important now ,why do you think that is?”
Or, “What’s different about it now that some time’s passed?”
Direct doesn’t mean dismissive. It means I’m listening , I’m just not here to waste either of our time.
There are so many ways to find out more, with less.
Leadershit time consumption
In leadershit, we allow (and yes, I mean allow because everything is within our permission to react, respond, or sit in) others to consume our time.
It’s not just draining. It creates assumptions. It disconnects.
Not everyone can say, “I’m not adding value here, so I’ll step away and let you chat it through.”
But I can.
And I do.
Because I know what I bring and when I don’t need to bring it.
I’m a walking oxymoron
I know my style can attract and repel often at the same time.
I’m contradictory and consistent.
Direct but curious.
Comfortable flipping back and forth.
I once wrote about how small talk is the big talk.
So even though I’ve digressed, I’ve proved the point: I am consistent in believing that contradiction doesn’t make you fake. It makes you human.
Professional patience vs. personal impatience
Here’s another paradox.
In work, I’m boundaried.
I walk in with low expectations of others.
I listen.
I stay quiet.
I speak with permission.
In life, I throw those boundaries out the window.
I project my expectations.
I expect people to know better. I don’t listen straight away.
I’ve reflected on this for years how to be the same person in both spaces.
No work mask. No polished “role.” Just me.
But that’s where another contradiction comes in.
Balance isn’t level.
It’s not a straight line.
It’s up and down. High and low. Fast and slow, it ebbs, flows, crashes, and rises. And if we forget that, we lose ourselves in the chaos.
Why less is more
Let me bring it back.
Less is more and it works both ways. For you and them.
You become a better listener.
You say less but mean more.
You create space.
Sidebar Story: Me + Dave
I’ve been with Dave for 19 years. Still, I get these “too many actually” moments — where I didn’t know something about an experience we both had.
He once told me how tense a situation had been for him — one I was also present in. I had no idea. I hadn’t seen it.
I should’ve. I lost my first husband, Pete, to suicide. That’s not something I take lightly. And still, I didn’t see it. That is a gap in me. And that gap is real.
But I don’t punish myself. I do own it.
Asking better questions
Now, at the end of the day, I ask:
“Was there anything I missed today? Something I didn’t ask, that you needed me to?”
There’s no agenda. I’m not responding or fixing. I’m just listening.
And that small act , one question, one answer, has had a huge impact. It’s helped me be more intentional, more grateful, more connected. And I know it’ll ripple out to every other relationship too.
So, is less more?
Sometimes. (so oxymoronic, so me!)
Sometimes less is lazy. Sometimes it’s wise.
Sometimes more is noise. Sometimes more is exactly what’s needed.
The point is know when.
Know when to speak.
Know when to ask.
Know when to be still.
Know when to walk away.
And know when to lean all the way in.
And maybe the most powerful “less” you can offer someone, is your full attention.
As a coach I am continuously seeking, learning, unlearning and sharing that means others benefit. We do this in our Coach to Coach. Be part of it and get our content library spanning back 20 years to use to help you.
