Life isn’t a competition. Stop treating it like one.
Let’s get this out of the way early, there is no winning line. There is only a deadline. We expire.
Cheery, I know, and also true. And oddly freeing, if you let it be.
Somewhere along the way, life got turned into a leaderboard. Quietly. Sneakily. Wrapped up in self-improvement language and motivational quotes.
Who’s doing better.
Who’s coping better.
Who’s calmer, fitter, richer, happier, more “evolved”.
And if you’re not careful, you start living like you’re being scored. Here’s the reality check no one really wants: Competition doesn’t usually make us better. It makes us feel worse. Not inspired. Not energised. Just… behind.
The Lie of Competition
Competition is sold as fuel. What it often becomes is pressure with a fancy name. It feeds comparison. Comparison feeds self-criticism. Self-criticism quietly erodes confidence. And then we call it “motivation”.
It’s not. It’s anxiety in activewear.
“But competition is part of life…”
Yes. And no. And here’s where it gets interesting. If you’re an athlete, competition exists. Of course it does. If you ask any serious athlete what they’re actually focused on.
It’s not beating them. (It’s never about them.) It’s about:
Their own time. Their own best. Their own PB. Their own recovery. Their own headspace
The real work is internal. The race might be external.
The competition isn’t. And that’s the bit most of us miss when we try to apply “competitive mindset” to life.
Self-Competition (Done Properly)
I don’t dislike self-competition. I dislike self-competition soaked in self-loathing.
There’s a difference. The version that works looks more like this:
Less self-criticism
More curiosity
A big fat dose of “well… that didn’t work”
Adjust. Test again. Move on.
No drama. No moral judgement. No inner monologue calling you a failure.Just data.
Test. Notice. Learn. Repeat.
That’s not competition. That’s relationship. With yourself.
The “Should” Trap
This is where competition gets properly sneaky.
You should be a better parent.
You should be a better partner.
You should cope better.
You should be more patient, more present, more grateful.
Should.
Should.
Should.
Competition dressed up as obligation. And while you’re busy trying to be better at all the roles, you quietly lose yourself in the process. You become efficient. Capable. Externally functional.
Internally? Disconnected.
My Unofficial Life Philosophies
I’ve said this for years:
Don’t be a dick.
Be more dog.
Be more kid.
When I say don’t be a dick, I’m not talking about manners. I’m talking about the way we speak to ourselves. The way we weaponise standards. The way we turn growth into punishment.
Being a dick is: Constant self-monitoring, relentless comparison, treating every misstep as evidence you’re behind
That’s not discipline. That’s self-abandonment with a productivity badge.
Be more dog doesn’t mean be obedient. It means be present. Dogs aren’t ranking themselves against other dogs at the park. They’re here. Sniffing. Responding. Living.
Be more kid doesn’t mean be careless. It means be curious. Kids test things, fall over, cry, laugh, and try again without narrating their own failure.
Even these ideas can get hijacked by competition.
Am I doing this right?
Am I being present enough?
Am I playful properly?
And there it is again. The and.
This isn’t about opting out of life. It’s about opting out of the or.
You can care and stop competing.
You can grow and stop beating yourself up.
You can want more and stop living like you’re being timed.
Life isn’t asking you to win. It’s asking you to show up imperfectly, inconsistently, honestly.
The and. bit (Because of course there is one)
Life isn’t or. It’s not:
Compete or opt out
Care or detach
Grow or rest
It’s and.
You can want more and stop racing yourself.
You can grow and refuse to turn life into a performance sport.
You can care deeply and stop measuring your worth against someone else’s highlight reel.
This isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about changing the game.
From: “Am I winning?” To: “Am I here?”
From: “Am I ahead?” To: “Am I aligned?”
From: “How do I compare?” To: “Does this actually work for me?”
Final Reality Check
No one gets a trophy for suffering quietly. No one wins life by being the most exhausted. No one crosses a finish line and gets handed extra years for trying harder. There is no winning line. Only the life you’re living while you’re alive.
So please stop treating it like a competition.
Be less impressive.
Be more honest.
Be more dog.
Be more kid.
This isn’t advice. It’s an invitation. To notice where competition has quietly crept in. To loosen the grip. To explore your and. the space where effort meets honesty, and pressure gives way to choice.
If someone came to mind while reading this, trust that. Send it to them. Start a conversation that doesn’t need fixing or winning. We don’t grow alone. We don’t lead alone. And we don’t have to run this hard to belong.
And if you mess it up notice how quickly you turn on yourself.
That’s the moment that matters. That’s where the work actually is.
