Control Freak?
CONTROL FREAK? OR JUST A HUMAN BEING TRYING TO FEEL SAFE?
I’m a control freak, ever said it about yourself or someone else, "You're such a control freak."?
What do you actually mean when you say that? Are you joking? Are you annoyed? Is it a badge of honour? Or is it the excuse you use when you don’t want to let go?
Because let’s be real people don’t say “I’m a control freak” when everything is calm. It comes out when tension rises. When something changes. When someone moves the pen on your desk or makes a decision you weren’t in the room for.
It’s a phrase loaded with tension… and truth.
Here’s the question:
What’s really holding you back isn’t what you think?…
Opportunity cost is a liar (Unless you call It out)*
You have probably heard it.
Opportunity cost.
I read one of my fave newsletters recently that gave advice about how we should be focussed on opportunity costs. How we should be this and that.
Opportunity cost was coined by Friedrich von Wieser back in 1914 (yay another modern way of thinking) it is the economics nerd way of saying “what you didn’t choose is haunting you.”
It lives in neat diagrams like the Production Possibility Curve, where trade-offs are perfectly measured, outcomes are predictable, and humans apparently make choices in a calm, rational vacuum.
Cute, right?aaaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh
Is Less Really More?
Is Less Really More? Or Am I Just Full of Contradictions?”
I like words.
I like words a lot.
Now here’s the contradiction:
I also like it when people use less of them.
I love long-form. And I get professionally patient with people’s words, but personally? Not so much.
I get frustrated when people go on and on. Repeat. Meander. Never land a point. That’s not clarity, that’s noise.
You are never authentic!
This could also be titled Everybody lies all the time or What everyone ought to know about honesty and authenticity.
You Are Never Authentic
Let’s stop pretending.
Let’s stop pretending that we’re honest.
Let’s stop pretending that authenticity is some kind of virtue badge.
The reality?
We lie.
A lot.
And we’ve been trained to do so since birth. Some of the earliest “truths” we’re fed Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny are lies we collectively agree to keep telling. It's cultural, it’s comfortable, and it’s how we learn to lie with a smile.
So let’s cut through the fluff. The dystopian aspect of society is we are literally told, brought up and live in a lie. From conception to birth to living our lives mostly based on lies.
Be Curious, Not Furious
The Default Reaction
We’ve all done it.
Reacted. Snapped. Got furious before we got curious.
I’ve done it with Dave. In the middle of life and noise and deadlines, I've chosen fury over pause.
And in those moments, the real story, the human underneath the mistake, gets missed.
The intention , often good, kind, loving, never sees the light of day.
And the reality, most of the time it’s not even about the other person It’s internal.
That’s the root of all of this.
We don’t need to fix others first. We need to work on what’s going on inside us.
And there it is.
“I’m Fine”, the biggest red flag?
I’m fine. Red flag when you say. Especially when you believe it yourself.
“I’m fine.” We all say it .
Its disposable. It’s a throwaway, its innate in most of us, yet it’s a programmed prompt we have used for years maybe. It seems harmless. Innocuous.
It’s the phrase we say when we want everything to stop. Stop the questions. Stop the noise. Stop the possibility of being seen too clearly.
“I’m fine” is the ultimate emotional full stop .It doesn’t mean you’re okay. It means you’re coping. Performing. Managing just enough not to fall apart in public. And the hardest part? Sometimes, you don’t even know you’re doing it
Soho Summit 2025, Soho Farmhouse. Where courage inspires creative change
Creative leadership, Courage in coaching, Debbie and Dave and., Leadership or Leadershit, Real-time leadership lessons, Coaching insights, Leadership for coaches, Coaching philosophy, Creative thinking in leadership, Courage and creativity summit, Soho Farmhouse events, Non-traditional leadership coaching, Reflective leadership blog
Stop outsourcing your brain to Ai.
Introducing: and. Human AI
Ai won’t make you more human. Feeding your brain the right prompts might.
We’re being told daily that AI is about to change everything and while everyone is panicking about ChatGPT, few are asking a much simpler, more powerful question:
What if the biggest threat isn’t artificial intelligence?
What if it’s forgetting how to use your own?
That’s where and. Human AI begins.
This isn’t a concept.
It’s your actual operating system.
And it’s running right now.
Dave made me cry.
How fear, love, and the brain’s true intention changed how I lead and live
We were getting ready to attend an event.
You know the kind. The ones that sit just outside your comfort zone. New people. Big room. Eyes on you (and they never are , this is more being self conscious), everybody else has their own agenda internal head script running.) That invisible tension in the chest that says, “Don’t mess this up.”
And just before we walked into it, Dave said something.
He said,
“Your brain’s first intention is to love you. The opposite is how we react, fear.”
Ghosted, not gone!
Ghosted, not gone!
Why ghosting might just be the best thing that ever happened to you
Ghosting or even estrangement is the modern day silent exit.
Let’s cut the noise right, if someone ghosted you professionally or personally, take a breath. This isn’t a death sentence to your business or your worth.
It’s a little shake up.
And it might just be the biggest gift you never knew you needed.
Fix Nothing. Solve Everything. Start Here…
Fix Nothing. Solve Everything. Start Here…
Welcome to the and. shop , where self-coaching tools, mindset shifts, and no-nonsense micro-support do what all those endless self-help books don’t.
We don’t do fluff.
We don’t do overwhelm.
We don’t try to fix you , because you’re not broken.
We work with what’s real.
And we help you move. Forward. Now.
Whether you’re in a spiral, at a standstill, or leading others while quietly falling apart — this shop is for people who are ready to get unstuck, simplify the mess, and do the one thing everyone keeps avoiding: thrive.
and. is with…
Our focus is tension, difference and the space in between
We’re living in a time of constant pressure to pick a side. Work or life. Speed or sustainability. Growth or rest.
We’re told it should be this, that. To choose clarity. To cut out the noise. No.
At and., we believe the future doesn’t sit in extremes.
It lives in the tension.
The space in-between.
And that space is rich with possibility, if we’re willing to work with it, not against it.
We’ve learned this from philosophers and founders, researchers and real humans:
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, who said contradiction is how progress happens.
Anne-Laure Le Cunff, who shows that small, thoughtful experiments are how we actually change.
Tim Duggan, who reminds us that clarity doesn’t come from guessing the next step, but from starting at the end and working backwards.
Victoria Song, who’s redefining power as presence, flexibility and emotional honesty.
Stephanie Harrison, who says happiness isn’t comfort. It’s contribution.
Their work, and our own, leads us to a new way of thinking, and a new way of building. One where:
You know something needs to change. So, why haven’t you moved?
The and.experience where leadership really happens.
You already know the problem.
You are stuck. Not because you are failing. Not because you are incapable.
But because you are doing the same thing and expecting something different.
You are making decisions, but they take too long.
You are running meetings, but they are filled with noise.
You are leading, but you are still reacting instead of directing.
You are working harder, but it is not getting easier.
Leadership is happening to you, instead of you actually leading.
It is not because you need more time, more strategies, or more confidence.
It is because you have been taught that leadership is something you learn instead of something you do.
You are surviving, but are you thriving?
Survive and Thrive – Get Unstuck, Take Control, Move Forward
You are not broken, but you might be stuck.
Most people push through survival mode, hoping things will get better on their own.
They won’t. But you can change it.
Time management is boll&cks
Leadership and Leadershit of time
Time is one of the most misunderstood leadership tools.
Why We Need to Talk About Time
We waste it, stretch it, hoard it, and pretend we have more of it than we do. We use it as an excuse for not making decisions. We let it be taken from us without question.
We optimise, we schedule, we squeeze every gap—yet somehow, we still feel like we don’t have enough.
What’s in a name?
We are called and.
Its a simple reason why..
Its a great coaching question and creates intentional pause.
Its always with not more, a necessity in todays day of more more more.
It says what we do, we help you add and.
We wanted a word that connected you to your leadership dna .
No one size fits all and is all encompassing.
Your name, your story, your power.
A name is never just a name. It’s a decision, a definition, a mark.
It’s given to us before we even understand who we are. Our parents choose it, maybe because it carries meaning, maybe because it sounds right, maybe because it belongs to someone they once knew. And from the moment it is spoken, it becomes something more.
A name shapes how the world sees us. It’s how we introduce ourselves, how we sign our stories, how people call us when they need us. A name can make you feel seen, or it can make you shrink.
Think about it. Have you ever met someone with the same name as an old bully from school, and suddenly, you feel something? A name carries memory. It carries weight.
Maybe you’ve changed your name, reshaped it, shortened it, or reclaimed it. Because names have power, and sometimes, the one we were given does not fit who we are becoming.
And it’s not just personal.
In business, a name can be the difference between being remembered and being forgotten. It can make people stop and ask questions or pas
Podcast -Season 6
This season, we ask, what's your and.?
Everyone has a unique way of taking action, staying present, and navigating distractions, so, what’s your and.?
It’s the perspective that shapes your choices. The way you show up. The experiences that set you apart. The exciting part? There’s no single answer. Every guest brings their own interpretation, making sure there’s never a dull moment.
Is the best coaching move just… moving?
Coach Walking, the power move in coaching.
At and. we have been using coach walking for over 20 years. It is not a trend, it is a technique that works. Coaching is about being, not performing. It is about being you, always. Coach walking creates a space for this in the simplest, yet most powerful way.
Coffee coaching?!
A fresh brew on coaching styles
What is coaching, really?
Let’s cut through the noise, coaching isn’t about micromanaging, fixing, or stretching someone to their limits like a piece of overworked dough. Coaching is about guidance and support, not force or performance pressure. It’s a process of unlocking potential, not cramming in more knowledge. Coaching is the gentle nudge, the structured conversation, the safe space where growth happens
Notice What You’re Not Noticing
Stuck, solved, simplified, and thriving: The everyday and extraordinary
We’re often stuck because we’re blind to the things we don’t notice. Call it a blind spot, a paradox, or the power of selective attention. It’s not failure. It’s just life.
But here’s the thing, noticing what you’re not noticing isn’t magic, it’s clarity, focus, and curiosity. It’s the beginning of solving what’s holding you back.
At and., we don’t fix problems.
Fixing is temporary.
Solving? That’s the real work.
Read more…
we’ve been writing blogs for years and have oodles of them on our sister company Coach to Coach